Rating: Good
The Courage To Be Disliked blurb excerpt: A great Personal Development Book can change your life by changing how you interpret its events and approach your place in this world.
The Courage To Be Disliked is a Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to free yourself, change your life, and achieve real happiness.
Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts, and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves.
My opinion: I really enjoy this book for one reason, it made me rethink my assumptions.
As implied in the narrative, it is not a simple thing to make the ideas of Adler one’s own and put them into practice. There are points in this book that confused me, philosophies that would make me want to rebel, statements that are difficult to accept, and many which directly oppose "normal" social thinking. But with an open mind, this is an entertaining and enlightening read. It's also one of those Personal Development Books I feel I will need to read a few times to extract its full value.
Lessons from The Courage To Be Disliked:
All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.
Relationships should be horizontal and not vertical. There's no such thing as a junior or a senior in friendships.
We should not compliment or insult anyone but only give them affirmations.
A community creates a sense of belonging; but only if you accept yourself.
The goal of interpersonal relationships is a feeling of community where others are comrades, not competition. To get that feeling, you should make the switch from self-interest to concern for others. People who are obsessed with the desire for recognition will seem to be looking at other people, while they’re actually only concerned with how other people view them. Three things are needed: self-acceptance, confidence in others, contribution to others.
Your past doesn't determine you, it is how you interpret events and what you make of them that matter most. "No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on. That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life."
None of us live in an objective world, but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to.
Don't rush for answers, arrive at them.
Everyone desires for the "pursuit of superiority", shouldn't be against others but your own self.
The pursuit of superiority is natural and in the correct context, feelings of inferiority can be a good catalyst for growth. A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others, it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self.
We need to think with the perspective of “whose task is this?” and separate our own tasks from other people’s tasks. If it is not your task you should not worry about or intrude on it.
Don't strive for recognition from others. You’re not living to satisfy other people’s expectations, and other people aren’t living to satisfy your expectations.
Establishing confidence is more valuable than creating trust.
We often conjure up emotions to meet our situational goals.
Admitting mistakes, conveying words of apology, and stepping down from power struggles — none of these things are defeat.
The Courage To Be Disliked Best Quotes:
"If one really has a feeling of contribution, one will no longer have any need for recognition from others. Because one will already have the real awareness that “I am of use to someone,”
“We cannot alter objective facts. But subjective interpretations can be altered as much as one likes. And we are inhabitants of a subjective world.”
“Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.”
“A way of living in which one is constantly troubled by how one is seen by others is a self-centered lifestyle in which one’s sole concern is with the “I.”
“No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences—the so-called trauma—but instead, we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.”
‘The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.”
What Next:
If you are interested in this book, you may want to check out our list of reviewed Personal Development Books.
My personal recommendation for those who loved this book - The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Commentaires